A Long Long Time Ago...

"There is darkness in the room.
And silence…
Except for the sound of you and I breathing.
Poetry is born out of moments like this one.
I am yours today
(and this is me without signs of the outside world marring my skin)
Just me in my true, naked beauty.
All of me that you'd never seen.
All of me that was hidden from the world.
All of me that was meant to walk proud and shining in the sun.
All of me here, beside you, today.
Love this moment, because right now
I am truly yours.
Celebrating my life and yours.
In this glorious, blissful moment.
Isn't it ironic that the only time you truly see me
Is when we are in complete darkness?"




We enter the room together, and conversation simply fills the silent anticipation of things to come. We stop speaking.Mid-sentence, sometimes...and just look at each other. Wonderingly. Even a little disbelievingly. That happiness like this was possible outside of television. A faint smile plays on his mouth…
and then we kiss.
I have never kissed like this. it's as if with that one kiss…
our first kiss, I am slowly dissolving into him. Cell by cell.
Every touch is imprinted in my memory forever. Though it hasn't been too long, I know I have come a long way. From feeling like I would never be able to love again…here in this room with a boy I know I love more than either of us can believe.
We are the same, him and i. We have known the same pain and the same happiness. We have dreamt the same dreams, and lost them. To not love him would be like to not love myself, and as impossible. There is nothing to hide anymore, nothing to miss…everything feels so complete.
Sometimes our need for each other is urgent.Thirsty.
An at other moments, slow…as if the eternity we have spent looking for each other is inconsequential in the face of the time we have together now. There is as much watching as there is touching. Listening. Now that he is here, and now that I have found him, there is no pain, except for the thought of losing him…and even that makes me happy.To love someone so much that the thought of them makes you ache…




As Robin the Wise said, it's not smart to dig for relics. In this case, my computer brought up the past whilst defragmenting drives, and here I merely acknowledge it's presence.

Torn

My mind is blank (except for the softly fading,incessantly whispering thoughts of you). I expect nothing (but December whispers of treachery). The days grow colder (and your words warmer). I fold my dreams away every morning ( because they are tainted with you).

At the moment, I am content in this cocoon of feigned ignorance you have constructed for me.


Need. To. Sleep.

ARGH

Im so fucking sick of the depraved, repressed, retarded, frustrated, psychotic assholes that live in this city. How exciting could a girl sitting alone in an auto, talking on the phone possibly be? If that arouses you enough to slow down your car, roll down your window,drive next to the auto for twenty minutes and make obscene gestures while your equally sub human friends ogle at her, then, dude, get rid of your penis. You clearly don't and will never know what it's meant for.

Jaded

I hate this feeling.

Stare at the ceiling blankly. Fall asleep only at dawn. Wake up in the middle of the afternoon. Waste the day, feel bad about it, but take no measures to change things the next day.Wallow in pointlessness, repetition and inanity.
Everyone else's life looks like some ludicrous, exaggerated drama. Just nod at the right places and they sweep you into the heightened version of reality they're stuck in.
Blink.
The lights are too bright in here.
The noise and confusion makes me want to scream.
Need to get out before the intensity gets to me and forces me to really live.


Awake to greet the rising sun again. This is getting ridiculous.

Wonderland and Beyond: The Trip Report

After the low dose of LSD, this spider like all others in this experiment, built a web which is more regular in central angle and spiral spacing, and has a larger catching area.

An altered state of Being. Does it take you closer to what you seek? Does it vanquish your doubts? Sing you to sleep?

"Anon, to sudden silence won,
In fancy they pursue
The dream- child moving through a land
of wonders wild and new,
In friendly chat with bird or beast
And half believe it true..."

Perhaps my ramblings are still aglow with the quickly fading certitude they once held for me. Perhaps they are now completely devoid of meaning and full of false promise. Judge, dismiss, echo, mull over....do as you please.




Lodhi Garden. An asylum for lovers, trippers, dogs, artists, the dead.



"I sit on cold stone and bring out the tools of my trade. I know it's an illusion to be free. To be laid bare. Perhaps I am. No longer seeking but seeing. A silent flower in my hair witnesses the miracle. Spreading soft fragrance to senses that are alternately dulled and sharpened. Is this what I once longed for?



Like insects maddened by our own delight we scramble over the stone. Cold stone that covers the dead. Carved stone full of beliefs. Trees stand frozen as if in mute horror. Dripping leaves. My mind wanders without restraint. I will the pen to stop but it doesn't. Forms words that might be intelligible to some. To none.
Not profound. Not profane.
Sacred and mundane.
Will I want you again?


They capture time in their metal boxes. I let it slip through my fingers. It drips on the paper like acid and burns it through. Bears witness to the twisting turning hovering flying.
Not wrong. Not right. What's left?
Bring cheer and wrap up my mind.
Chew on paper and smoke my kind.
Fly with me?







Blueness. Greenness. Who made the colours? There's music playing in my head. Random words from another world, another time. Who wants to exercise their will? "Not I"

linger linger strum your finger
pass the bliss sealed with a kiss
wordswon'tstopmeaningtheyjustwon'tstop



lean back sit straight feel everything vibrate let it enchant you enfold you
love it hate it fight it crave it do it



Never stopped being a child played hide and forgot to seek.
Sat in a corner drew figures in the sand waited for the tide to wash them away.
Who saw you? Who knew? Do you see flashes of brilliant white light? Why do you stay quiet about it?




Lonely feathers lying in the grass. Do you want to breathe?"

"Thus grew the tale of Wonderland:
Thus slowly, one by one,
It's quaint events were hammered out
And now the tale is done,
And home we steer, a merry crew,
Beneath the setting sun..."

Invisible Apron Strings

"You can fool some of the people some of the time and all of the people some of the time...but you can never fool mom"
- Random profundity on a poster lying on the sidewalk, CP.

Up until the age of eleven I firmly believed I was smarter than my mother. I thought I was smarter than almost everyone I met, but that's an entirely different tale of disillusionment.
Anyway it was at that awful, precarious, self - conscious age, when childhood begins it's descent into adolescence that I realised I was infact, NOT smarter than the woman who had given birth to me. And that I was an idiot for thinking so in the first place.
Motherhood is an eerie thing.
They know when you're lying to them. They know when you're lying to yourself. They know when you're in love...when you're hurt inside but too proud to show it. They know when the world bewilders you and you just need to be held. They can see right through you, and they love you inspite of it.

Thank god (or whatever's out there) for you, ma. I'd be lost without you in my life, whether I admit it or not. Incessant fighting included:)

An Untitled Ode

I do not want to open the locked doors of your mind. I do not want to fall in love with you. I do not want to possess your body or your soul. I do not want to live up to your past experiences.
I was not looking for you, and I don't think of you as the answer that i've found. The cosmic flow brought about a chance meeting- and like everything else, you too will fade away, leaving my thoughts tinted with any colour you like.

For the time that we occupy the same chapters in Space and Time, I wish you well. Although the game we play is a meaningless charade, I recognise the glimpses of a like mind. I know that darkness. It scares us both.
In a better world we'd be better people. I'd be a part of your story. I'd let you in.

Not today.

"Strangers passing in the street
By chance two separate glances meet
And I am you and what I see is me
And do I take you by the hand
And lead you through the land
And help me understand the best I can"

Echoes
Pink Floyd