Words of the Wise

"It is better to sin and repent
than abstain and regret"


I'd quote you sir, but I fear you'll sue me:)

Winter Blues.

Sick again. Ugh.
Have been communicating in unintelligible croaks and indecipherable expressions. Explains the urge to type out long words for no apparent purpose, communicative or aesthetic.
There are times when the futility of people's elaborate ploys to cover their transparent motives seems endearing. This is not one of those times. What a ridiculous species we are...how horribly full of ourselves and this notion of seeking deeper truths.
Growth, Reproduction and Metabolism. It seems to sufficiently explain the magical mystery of life right now.
Want to stay isolated in my room for the next fifteen days with sporadic pampering from ma and the demanding bundle of fur. Want sunlight and coffee and productive hours.


Suddenly Inexplicably Irritated.

Love ain't easy.

"I was in the kitchen
Seamus, that's the dog, was outside
well I was in the kitchen
Seamus, my own hound, was outside
well you know the sun was sinking slowly
and my own hound-dog sat right down and cried"




I'm besotted with dogs. I've been crazy about them ever since i can remember. Spent hours playing with the strays around my house. Developed deep bonds with friend's dogs. Survived my entire childhood on the hope that I'd have one of my own some day.

I often tried to convince ma that a dog was the solution to all our problems. In hindsight, I see why a working, single mother with bills to pay and a brat to raise would shudder at the thought of adding another responsibility to the household. A responsibility that would need to be fed and potty trained and walked regularly...
I really can't blame her for refusing and putting on her "End of Discussion" face.

Until some stupid foreigner realised at the airport that he could not infact smuggle his exotic little chinese pet on the plane, flew off and left a bewildered puppy with airport security...
Security man, auto driver, kabaari waala, policeman and finally my uncle... Bono (then "Peter") was handed around from stranger to stranger until I walked into my uncle's house, took one look at him and fell madly in love. I can't say my feelings were immediately reciprocated...he was too scared and confused at the host of unfamiliar faces that seemed to constantly surround him.
But once I'd convinced my uncle to let me have him (not that dificult. His own beautiful labrador, a perfect lady otherwise, would scream bloody murder at the sight of this strange dog who was presumably trying to usurp her territory), I knew there was no looking back. He couldn't possibly live in the same house as me and not fall madly in love:)

We're obsessed with each other. I make kissy faces at him from every corner of the house. I talk to him about college, politics, music, philosophy,the latest scandals on The Bold and the Beautiful, about love and heartache. I can't live without him.

You don't realise how much love you have inside of you until you've loved a dog. To see someone go into a fit of excitement every time you walk into the house, kiss you every morning when you wake up...someone who thinks the world of you whether or not you have a bath, a job or a huge allowance. You don't even realise when your defences come crashing down. You learn to adjust yourselves to each others quirks... and pretty soon, you can't remember what what life was like when you had a dog-less existence.

I suppose this must be true of all pets. Unfortunately I, like almost everyone else, suffer from the delusion that mine is somehow absolutely unique.


Which is why, smoking out of my window on a wintry night (ma, if you're reading this...gulp. it was a stressful night. sorry:)), although i saw those puppies, I tried to ignore them. They were adorable...but i didn't want to, well...cheat on my dog. Bono is REALLY possesive ( I notice he's starting to sound like a big, burly boyfriend...hahaha).
The puppies had started crying now. I watched them for a while and realised that I wasn't the only one waiting for their mom to appear. It was a bloody cold night. They were probably hungry too....Goddamnit. I rushed down the stairs.


Ma, Hash and I found some old sheets for them to sleep on and fed them warm milk and biscuits. It was almost as if someone switched a button on inside their heads. Soon they were cavorting all over the place, fighting for biscuits, chewing on the sheet... acting like nothing had ever been wrong with their little abandoned existence.
I knew there was going to be trouble from the start... they were becoming dependent on us. Soon they'd climb the stairs all the way to my house and sit at the doorstep, waiting patiently for one of us to return. Bono would sulk and whine all day... wary of their attempts to befriend him.
But I couldn't help myself. I know there are more stray pups around than this city can handle. I know that the harsh truth is that most of them don't survive, and that they're fated to miserable lives even if they do. But I wanted Gel, Stamp and Cube to live. I wanted them to live below my house, and have a reasonably happy existence.

I wish I could explain what it felt like. I knew I was fighting the odds. The neighbours had no particular sympathies for them and thought they were a nuisance. The coldest months were yet to come, and whatever bedding I laid out for them at night would disappear by morning. It would get harder to sustain three growing dogs along with Bono...I kept waiting for ma to point it out, but she wouldn't. I know she'd begun to care about them inspite of the fact that she knew better too.


I was leaving for Benaras that day. It was a beautiful day...Sunny side up, just how I like it. Ma called when I was on my way home from college.
She was crying.
I wished the auto would never reach home. Passed one familiar bend after another, my mind shrieking silently with dread and grief as we approached my house.
There is something so disturbingly surreal about death. Gel and Stamp lay there in a pool of blood, while everyone went about their own work. Two motionless bodies. Suddenly non existent. The world continued to spin, but for me time had come to a screeching halt. I felt like throwing up, sitting down, screaming, running away all at the same time. Tears are so fucking inadequate.
Cube. I had to find her. I started walking around aimlessly, still sobbing, not breathing...thank god for you, Hashie. You keep me sane.
She'd been sitting outside my doorstep, as usual. I don't know if puppies understand death. I don't think anyone does, really.

We haven't spoken of it since that day... but as we sat in the park digging a grave for our dogs, I realised we weren't children anymore. The cycle of life and death is as old as time, and as inevitable. The certainty of death doesn't make life pointless, only more beautiful. They may have only lived for a short while, but Gel and Stamp are an indelible part of me. I will always know we made each others lives more worthwhile, in some way.
Cube? She's living at Friendicoes right now. I couldn't risk her chances of survival. I hope she has a good life.


A big hug to all the dogs I know, and others. Especially Bono, Cleo, Layla, Cube, Bruno, Precious, Puff, Nimboo, Imli, Caesar, Mischief, Odie, Toofan, Badal and Magic.

Trixie and Pixie, my ocassional buddies downstairs.

Wolfie, Handstand, Mary and Jane; the chillers of Delhi University.
R.I.P. Gel, Stamp, Tiffany, Boskey, Lara and the beautiful dog in D School.

Once more with feeling...

"Work It
Make It
Do It
Makes Us
Harder
Better
Faster
Stronger
More Than
Hour
Our
Never
Ever
After
Work is
Over

Work It Harder Make It Better
Do It Faster, Makes Us stronger
More Than Ever Hour After
Our Work Is Never Over"




Walked through narrow lanes
Woke up in someone's mind
Didn't know what to look for
So I embraced what I could find.


All I needed was some time away from the maze. The streets of Benaras offered revelations around every bend. I chose self preservation over surrender. The familiar convolutions of my thoughts over the twisted world you tempt me with.


Alone, overworked, happy and completely sane.